I am the only certified Intimate Hypnotherapist in the State of Nevada. This makes my service extremely unique as I am equipped to help you overcome a variety of sexological, body image and even role play issues through the mind and my fully legal and discreet body work at the Alien cathouse too.
My fully certified methods provide support for
Low Desire & Desire Discrepancies
Erectile Dysfunction & Rapid Ejaculation
Painful Intercourse
Sexual Self Confidence & Worry
Orgasm Difficulties
Sexual Shame
Body Image Issues
Kink & Alternative
Lifestyle Concerns
Aging, Disability Issues
LGBQ & Gender Variance Support
Erotic Hypnosis
& More
For those interested in hypnotherapy for sexuality and these services please contact me below.
There’s a scene in the adult film harlot (Sin City, 2005) where Kimberly Kane, playing a secretary, is summoned to the office of her boss, played by Chris Cannon. She arrives holding a pad and pen, ready to take his dictation, perhaps for a letter. Instead, the boss whirls around in his padded office chair to face her with his legs open. He’s got a noticeable bulge in his pants, and he makes it clear that he intends to give dicktation instead (sorry, couldn’t resist the pun). So she unzips his pants, massages his shaft gently to full hardness, removes her panties from under her skirt, settles herself on his cock, and they start to fuck.
Then something remarkable happens—remarkable for a porn video, and remarkable in real life: Instead of giving themselves over to wild humping, grunting, groaning, and other such physical theatrical behavior typical for porn, they start having—a conversation. A casual, easy conversation while Chris is balls-deep in Kim’s flowery, expressive, lusciously, incredibly fuckable coochie.
In what must rank as one of the classic porn scenes of recent times, these actors continue to chat companionably while they steadily grind away. They speak in full sentences uninterrupted by the loud moans of pleasure they surely want to utter. Kim, in character, brags to “boss” Chris all about her husband, “Henry,” who is so hot for her that “He wants to fuck me every night,” she says. “Every night?” Chris asks, incredulous. “Every night!” she emphasizes passionately, bearing down extra strongly with her toned vaginal muscles on his solid whang.
At this point in the scene, so much sexual tension has been built up that it’s easy to imagine lots of viewers’ cocks springing up around the nation and spontaneously ejaculating even without the help of Five-Fingered Willy. Those that hadn’t stripped off their pants or underwear probably got them soaked with cum for the first time since they had wet dreams in youth. And, it’s also easy to imagine that their lady friends or wives watching next to them were moved to lean over and fasten their lips around those straining cocks. And maybe, being expert with language as most women are, some of those ladies sucked their guys off while pausing for teasing talk: “I’m gonna blow you until you’re ready to fuck my tight little pussy, okay? Just yell when you’re ready, honey…”
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s tell the dirty truth: Few of us are thinking straight when we’re fucking. That’s the fun of it; allowing yourself to fly your freak flag, ride the wild stallion, make forest sounds, and visualize yourself as your spirit animal running wild. People are not likely to be quoting Shakespeare or even their favorite comedian or movie line while they’re copulating crazily. They make primal sounds, wail, curse, and spout strings of words that make no sense at all. Probably every girl that’s fucked a guy has heard him gibber nonsense sounds like “Salabagunda! Jizny watz! ARGGUUHH! (That’s, of course, the vocalization of his shattering climax.)
Everyone goes a little funny in the head when they’re sexing it up. The woman riding a thick cock experiences and secretly enjoys mental flashes of experiences with other men while she’s being joyously penetrated by her current lover. Meanwhile, he’s picturing her as one of the hottest courtesans from Game of Thrones. Fucking is (usually) not about conversation or creating a narrative.
But we can change that, if you’d like to try. Sex can be an exciting, dramatic game; imagine having the supreme discipline, when inside a woman, of keeping your wits clear enough to articulate strings of words without descending into the ecstatic babbling that’s so natural to men when their cocks encounter the Power of the Pussy.
President Trump has been quoted as saying “You’ve got to grab them by the pussy.” Well, reverse that: What will you do when my pussy grabs you, to borrow Jim Morrison’s line, “like a warm fist”? Will you say “Oh my dear, thank you so much for this wonderful experience” as you thrust deeply into me? Most likely, you will gibber and jabber throughout our intimate encounter and will leave shattered and relieved and happy. Which is fine.
But think of what can happen if you take the Sex-Talk Challenge. If we’re having a party for two, using our words can slow the sex down to an exquisite crawl, a slow, comfortable screw (like the drink). You can reminisce about the first time you felt your penis slipping into a girl’s mouth while I blow some tunes on your gloved-up sexaphone. Or you can confess all the dirty details of that drunken doggie-style fuck you enjoyed with a coworker on a business trip while I play her role. Or you can reveal your long-standing desire to hump your sexy sister-in-law. You see, sex talk can be psychologically cleansing.
Now, if we’re a party of three (you, me, and your wife or girlfriend) the talk can get really revelatory and wildly stimulating. She can watch as I jack up your dick while you tell her, “I’ve always-uh!-had the fantasy of having you look on while another woman grabs my cock.” You might be surprised, and very excited, to hear her answer back, “Well, I’ve never been finger-fucked by another woman, and I think it would get us both off if you watched another woman spread my legs and open up my cunny with two fingers.” Of course, I’d be happy to snap on a latex glove, apply some lubricant, and oblige her secret desire. By the time I finish finger-banging her to a couple or more climaxes, you’ll have an erection so hard you could almost drill through wood with your woody. But instead, you’ll have two horny ladies waiting for you to fuck them good and hard. You might find yourself shouting the famous Mel Brooks line from History of the World, Part 1: “It’s good (deep, powerful penile thrust) to be the King!” as you ram us (and yourself) silly.
So bring me your conversation along with your desire. I can teach you how to talk dirty like a rough, manly construction worker or a refined gentleman. Cum together with me, and I’ll show you how affectionate exchanges of naughty compliments can enhance and lengthen sex. You can imagine me as that pretty, shy girl in your college class that you always wanted to approach and announce: “I want to lay you naked on a soft bed, put your legs in the air, and pile drive your pussy until you have a screaming orgasm.” Not the usual thing you say in polite company out in the world. But in our world, you can say anything you want. Words have power: to persuade, to admonish, but also to make sex even better than you ever imagined.
It’s an especially saucy edition of the Vital Vegas podcast, so lube up, gird your loins and strap on your earbuds.
We start with all the latest on the as-yet-unannounced sale of Palms casino to the San Manuel tribe. Yes, we’re the only one reporting this story to-date, which makes the scoop, and us, even cooler.
This is going to shake things up real good.
As of May 1, 2021, Nevada brothels are open again, so we went to a legal brothel icon for what’s going down.
We chat with none other than Air Force Amy, of “Cat House” fame, about how sex workers have navigated the pandemic and the closure of brothels for more than a year.
Air Force Amy shares insights about what customers can expect now that brothels have opened again, as well as her experiences at the famous Bunny Ranch (and just about every other brothel in Nevada).
Here’s brothel legend Air Force Amy on Casual Friday.
Naturally, we’ve got a butt-ton of updates about pandemic restrictions being lifted (Las Vegas capacities are up to 80%), what’s opening again (nightclubs, dayclubs and strip clubs, sorry, still no lap dances) and more.
Of course, we’ll dive into the recent spate of million-dollar-plus jackpots around Las Vegas. The biggest was a $10.5 million beauty at South Point which should’ve been ours, but we’re not even slightly bitter.
Of course, amidst all the good news, there’s still a lot that annoys us, so we share our “Top 11 Annoying Things in Las Vegas Right Now.” Highlights: Broken escalators (only 11 of 60 are working on The Strip right now), rideshare and rental car problems, the $1,200 taxable threshold and, of course, masks.
“Grrr” just about covers it.
Get ready for a wild ride as we fill your head, heart and moist regions with so much Vegas, you’ll probably spill a little when you run over speed bumps.
Let Me Show You How to Have a Rewarding Sex Life After Injuries, Aging and Limited Mobility
Hi everyone! I’m Air Force Amy – one of the most popular, highly sought-after courtesans of all time! After being in the military, I joined up with the Chicken Ranch and then throughout my award winning career, I became a certified Clinical Sexologist, Sex Educator, Loveologist and Sex Therapist and I want to share the following product and better sex information with you.
My products of choice throughout my career have been those offered by Liberator . The first and foremost product of my choice is the Esse Chaise II – and I chose to elaborate on why they can be beneficial for people with injuries, aging bodies and otherwise limited mobility to get back in the saddle, so to speak.
When something traumatizing happens to you in your life, it can really put a damper on your ego in many ways. Depending on what happened, and even just the aging process, you may feel as though you have to rely on others for emotional support, or you feel discomfort in leaving your home. It’s also important to address the physical issues and injuries that can arise during traumatizing experiences or just as a part of the aging process, and what assistance you may need after the fact. It may become difficult to do daily tasks, hobbies, cleaning, or even showering, and this can make anyone feel depressed and frustrated due to the fact that they can no longer do all the things they could do in their 20’s or even 30’s 40’s and 50’s..
A less addressed way an injury can affect our ego is in the bedroom. Depending on the injury, sex can become difficult, painful, or just downright impossible. It can be incredibly bruising to the ego to go from someone who actively participated in and enjoyed sex (and was, depending on who’s talking, good at it *wink*) to someone who can’t even get out of bed without assistance, let alone romp around in it.
Naturally, this can cause feelings of shame, depression, and dejection. It can also, unsurprisingly, cause intimacy issues in a relationship. Your partner may be trying everything they can to help you, but because you are too ashamed to even try, it can make your partner distant or unsure of how to help. This of course doesn’t help intimacy, but rather perpetuates a feeling of disconnect between two people over an uncontrollable circumstance.
The first step to overcoming and improving injury is to know that you aren’t any less of the person you were pre-injury. If it’s temporary, know that you will soon be back to the person you were before, with the same mind, soul, emotions, and sex drive you had before. If it’s permanent, you can still have this mindset. You may walk a little differently, or your shoulder may ache from time to time, but – neither of these things will prevent you from having sex in the future, and it doesn’t take away from your attractiveness or prowess in the sheets.
The second step is to research – and do -exercises and stretches that can help you heal quicker and make sexual activities more comfortable for you while you’re recovering or rediscovering your body. If you have a major injury, you most likely are working with a physical therapist – don’t be afraid to ask them about what you can do to make sex more comfortable! They are there to help you heal and regain your strength, along with how to do normal everyday activities easy again. Guess what? Sex is one of those everyday activities!
The third step is to look into other options that can help you with sex while you recover or settle in to your mature years. This is where you can have fun a make the healing process more enjoyable!
So – I’m going to be candid with you right now and skip the fluff. For this step, I highly recommend checking out Liberator.
Their furniture is specifically designed to help with position aid and work in tandem with intimate accessories that help increase mobility, stamina, and of course pleasure. Their furniture also works for any couples of any body type and size – while one size may fit all, you are guaranteed to have a personalized experience with their equipment, no matter what you buy.
They’re also great with adding extra support for positions you know and love, as well as help you and your partner discover new positions. Liberator takes pride in crafting their furniture to make sure every angle, curve, and elevation will heighten the sexual experience for each and every person involved.
“Ok,” you say, nodding and possibly getting a little turned on at the idea of having furniture and accessories specifically designed for awesome, mind-blowing sex. “But – how can Liberator and their furniture help me with sex when I have an injury?”
That, my dear, is where the Esse Chaise II comes in.
Esse Chaise II
So, what even is an Esse Chaise, and why is there two of them? The Esse Chaise started as a chaise lounge specifically designed for sex; it has the right curves and humps to make sure any position you use on it is as comfortable and sensual as possible. Esse Chaise II takes it up a notch by having a longer and narrower body, making it easier to straddle and get creative. Every position will provide you proper comfort and cradling because of how accurate the changes are to the curves and angles. It even comes with a headrest, offering 5-inches of height for straddling or kneeling.
How is it good for injuries? Imagine if you have a back or neck injury, and you’re lying on a flat bed trying to have sex and also be comfortable. Lying in bed without the sex aspect is already so uncomfortable with those injuries, right? So how could you be comfortable with sex thrown into the equation!? Esse Chaise II is designed to offer support for the back, neck, and hips. The curves align perfectly with the natural contour of the body, meaning you will have the perfect amount of support for your lower back. Using the removable headrest can ensure neck stability, giving you comfort while giving you pleasure. Stand behind it and place your hands on the higher hump for added standing support. Be able to straddle the longue easier due to its decrease in width from the first iteration.
“…the Esse Chaise II reinterprets the unique interplay between the Kama Sutra and Tantric Sex – enabling couples to enjoy lovemaking without compromises.” – Description
This means, whether you’re physically having sex, enjoying a mind-body connection, or delving into any kink you may be into, the Esse Chaise II can support you in all your and your lover’s needs.
While having sex or intimate relationships with an injury may seem impossible at first, it definitely doesn’t have to be. This is a great time to do research into sex props and products and think about they may help you outside of enhancing pleasure. If you’re suffering from an injury and are looking for hope, I highly recommend Liberator’s Esse Chaise II.
I had personally been using the Esse Chaise, and now, Esse Chaise II at the Bunnyranch for over ten years. I had major success in creating super imaginative and new experiences as well as incorporating it’s use for overcoming physical limitations tpo.
If you’re someone who has had difficulty with exotic sex positions in the past, or you are experiencing difficulty in basic bedroom positions now, you could benefit greatly from using the Essse II. Due to the multitude of adjustable angles, it’s easy to find a position that’s comfortable on the hips, knees, and wrists. You can have the man on the bottom, or the woman on the bottom depending on which one of the hundreds of positions you indulge in. Even traditional positions take on a unique, erotic edge! There are countless possible ways to use the Esse II.
Air Force Amy is the most experienced legal courtesan in the entirety of Nevada. (Ret) She is the ONLY certified Clinical Sexologist, Sex Educator, Loveologist, and Sex Therapist in any legal Nevada brothels. With over 30 years of experience,
The most important memories we gather over a lifetime are the ones that last forever. Many events slip out of focus over time, their details swallowed up by our psyches. Of the ones that stand the test of time, many of these are firsts. No one who is old enough forgets where they were the first time Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. No one forgets their first kiss. And perhaps most importantly, no one forgets the first time they have sex.
If you’re looking to create a beautiful memory of your first time that will stay with you forever, I’m your girl.
There’s a reason I’m a popular choice with virgins, and that’s because I provide an experience where the most important detail is the who, not the where. It’s my greatest desire for anyone who chooses me for this honor, to walk away knowing that they were with someone who truly cherished the experience, and made it more comfortable and pleasurable than they ever imagined. Losing your virginity as an adult often comes with anxieties. You might feel worried about self-image, especially if you’ve faced rejection before, and many anguish over performance. It’s perfectly normal to have these fears, but the most potent antidote is communication.
With me, you’ll find a lover who will listen to your concerns, and put your mind at ease. Teaching comes naturally to me, so any stress over what to do will ease away as I guide you with my hands, my lips, and gentle words. If you’ve felt any shame over waiting, it’s time to leave that behind you. The simple truth is that there is no right time to lose your virginity. What matters is whether the time is right for you. If you feel like that time has come, I’d love to talk with you about taking the next step.
Let’s discuss the possibilities. I personally answer all my own correspondence.
Are you on any medications that may be interfering with your erection? If not, I hate to say it, but it might just be age and believe it or not – lack of use. I hate to be blunt, but there it is.
The great news is that there is hope!!
You can start by doing what I call “Kegel exercises for your cock”. You can search that same phrase on Youtube and find the exercises you need. Google these terms: Kegel Exercises For Men – How To Last Longer in Bed With Kegel Exercise | Male Kegeling
Here are a couple that I like.
2. I also highly recommend Cialis, a Rx you would need to get from your doctor. I have clients in their late seventies and 80’s that use this “erection in a pill” and it really, really works better than the hundreds of other male enhancement rip offs that are available.
OR you may still have the erection and endurance you wish for but just couldn’t muster up in the last years of your marriage. Your thoughts and your visual stimulants control the majority of your erection.
Email me and tell me how this worked for you, ok? Thanks!
Air Force Amy is the ONLY certified Clinical Sexologist, Sex Educator, Loveologist, and Sex Therapist to have practiced in any and all of Nevada’s most notable legal brothels. She is the most celebrated legal courtesan in the world. With many years of experience, Amy is an advocate of a sex positive society and your ultimate authority on sex and relationships.
MATURE VIRGINS – READ THIS & THEN SEE AIR FORCE AMY!
These days, men of all ages are virgins for all sorts of reasons and let me tell you, there is no shame in that! There are few topics more fraught with anxiety and confusion – for men and women – than the idea of virginity. I can’t count the number of letters I’ve received from people desperately afraid that they’ve “left it too late”.
Some may have had physical intercourse with another person – oral sex, mutual masturbation, possibly even anal sex – but consider themselves virgins because they’ve never had penile/vaginal sex. Others may have had penetrative sex but not “count” it for one reason or another. Still others may have never so much as held hands with someone who wasn’t a family member.
Because of all of the importance placed on the concept of virginity, many people are convinced that having passed some arbitrary cut-off point renders them utterly unlovable. Or they think that although they’re getting older they will never truly be adult because they’ve never crossed the finish line.
But – and you had to know that a “but” was coming – is it too late for you? What are these late-bloomers supposed to do?
Well, when the time does come and you decide you want to have sex for the first time, I’d like to think I’m the perfect person to do it with.
For most people, their first time is really awkward. But not when it’s with me. I know that this is a big moment for you and that’s exactly how I’ll treat it. I will make you comfortable. I will help relax you (I have an arsenal of tricks at my disposal to ease into to the main course). I will be kind and I will be gentle. But I will also be passionate and as wild as you want me to be. Ask me any questions you like. By the end of your time with me, you’ll feel like sex is the best and most natural thing in the world.
I want to make this a first time you will never forget! We’ll try all sorts of sensual, sexual and effective techniques and positions that will be tailored for your unique erogenous zones. I also want to give you some new skills to take out into the world and impress the ladies. So you can try things on me too (with guidance if you need it) to see what might please other women.
I want our time together to be fun, informative, intimate and naughty. I want to give you some of the best memories of your life.
HERE ARE SOME OF THE MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS I RECEIVE FROM VIRGINS
Is it strange that I’m 25-35 years+ and still a virgin?
No, not at all. I’ve heard from, helped and had a really great time with many virgins of all ages. You are not alone and I do not think you or your circumstances are strange.
I’m only 18-24. Will you still see me?
Absolutely! This whole article applies to you too!
I’m afraid that you are too experienced for me OR
My self esteem with women is nonexistent.I’m too chubby / too skinny / too_______/ not _______ enough (“fill in the blank”) & I’m not packing anything special down there.
First of all, you are enough! You are perfect, you count, you matter and I love you no matter what!
I understand your concern but you honestly have nothing to worry about in any of these respects with me. It’s actually my experience that allows me to be so patient and easygoing and to be able to teach in a soft, loving, sensual and fun manner. I am so down to earth and the absolute opposite of conceited and I could never look down on a nice person.
My tenure and success at The BunnyRanch speaks volumes about my true love of what I do. I am extremely empathetic and I never judge. If I was a judgmental person, I would never have lasted as long or been as successful as I am in this industry…it just wouldn’t work!
It might surprise you to know that I was teased quite heavily as a child and in school and I am still bullied on the internet today. I know how it feels to think you don’t fit in and to question if people like you. In my own life I do not tolerate bullying, teasing or condescending, mean or phony people. And I make sure I would never, ever do that to someone else because I know how badly it hurts.
I am an advocate for the underdog. I believe everyone deserves to be treated kindly, lovingly, sincerely and fairly. I want you to feel good about yourself and more confident, self-assured, loved, loveable and capable of establishing a very rewarding, happy and healthy sex life after seeing me.
I’m really shy around women, primarily because I don’t know how to communicate well with them. I was wondering if we could exchange a few emails before I travel to Nevada?
Absolutely. I want you to be sure that you are comfortable with me, and in your decision to see me, and I want to reassure you that I can address all your concerns and desires.
I also like getting to know you better before we meet so I can add all the details (no matter how big or small) that make your experience tailored to just you and full of those extra special touches that no one else I know would think of for you.
I am also a huge help when you’re planning your trip to see me. I’ll give you advice on everything from airfares to free ground transportation, lodging and other fun and interesting things to do here in Northern Nevada.
What will you do to relax me, and what will we do?
I know many ways to relax you. We can talk and get to know each other in person for as long as you like before we get to the main course. You will find that I am fun and silly and really good at making you feel super comfortable with me. I can hold a conversation on just about any topic on earth!
I am also very good at listening and allowing you to talk and teach me something new too. I help you to come out of your shell by asking you easy questions about your interests, the town where you live, school, your work, places you’ve visited, past relationships or lack thereof ( if you like). Or we can just talk about me and The BunnyRanch…anything that helps you feel more comfortable.
It took me many years of experience and education to master all these techniques and I don’t want to just give those secrets away right here! But please do email me and I’ll happily share more details: airforceamy@bunnyranch.com
Here is a list of my further education, degrees and certifications that make me the number one choice for your first time:
What also sets me apart from all other providers in the Legal Brothel Industry in Nevada is that I am a Certified Love and Intimacy Coach. See my Article here:
I have an Associates Degree in Sex Education and a Certificate in Clinical Sexology. See my article here>
I am slated to complete my Master of Human Sexuality degree this year.
I am studying many more areas of human relations and sexuality leading to my Doctorate Degree in Human Sexuality and these greatly enhance my services to you. I am also joining the faculty at “The Institute for the Advancement of Human Sexuality” in San Francisco in early 2016.
I’ve just embarked upon my certification in Intimate Hypnosis which I am certain will help in many areas of sexual frustration.
So, in addition to my award winning services encompassing everything from companionship to very unique sexual (and many nonsexual) requests, I am officially schooled and certified to help you in many areas of sexual relations, sex education and intimacy. And especially, your “first time”.
I GIVE AWARD WINNING SERVICE! BUT DON’T JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT…CHECK OUT ALL MY AWARDS HERE
EXCERPTS FROM TESTIMONIALS FROM VERY SATISFIED VIRGINS: YOU CAN ALSO READ THE FULL TESTIMONIALS HERE
AFA took my virginity…at…well, let’s just say at a very “advanced” age. All I can say is Amy is a total sweetheart and if you make it to the ranch you will not regret choosing her.
If you are a virgin, I am convinced there is NO ONE who will take better care of you than Amy… I was lucky enough to spend a few hours with her and she was amazing. It wasn’t about the money…it wasn’t even about the sex… I am a total cynic…but for 2+ hours I honestly believe that in HER mind Amy was my girlfriend…and all she wanted to do was please me.
-Wabbit Hunter
Unfortunately, I have had the misfortune of being overweight all my life, which has left me with low self-esteem and terrible shyness with women. I found myself still a virgin at age 33 and with no sight of my soul-mate to be found anywhere. But a few e-mails and one very nervous phone call later, I had an appointment to see Amy.
I must say, Amy is even more beautiful in person and my jaw must have dropped to the floor when I first saw her. After a warm hello hug, we talked for a while before we got our drinks and Amy took me for a tour of the facilities. Before long, we made the trip down to Amy’s room at the end of the hall. Knowing this was my first time, she had the room romantically lit in red to make things more relaxing. Air Force Amy was more than I could have ever imagined. I know she is more known for her wild side, but she has a very soft, gentle and romantic side as well. Not only did she make me feel very comfortable from the start, but she did wonders with my self-esteem and made me feel like a porn star.
-Anonymous
“Amy was exceptional. My two hours flew by and I came three times. Amy you are THE BEST EVER!!!!
Thanks for making my first time so special.”
-First timer from Nashville
Amy has this way of talking to you, of laughing with you, of asking just the right questions and never judging, never assuming that made me feel really comfortable. I mean, even if I wasn’t going to her for you-know-what she would still be a girl I’d like to meet.
My confidence went way up (that’s not the only thing that went way up!) when I got Amy to cum just by her showing where to touch and kiss her and so many pointers, I’m sure I’ll remember at least a few for my next experience. Thank you Amy, you really do provide service of epic proportion.
When in matrimonial bliss, it’s common to be rocking the bed every day – you just got married, your partner looked hot A.F. at the wedding, and your chemistry has rekindled. This, like all good things, however, comes to an end.
From potentially having children to take care of, to changes in the body causing self-esteem issues, the reasons for that deflating libido are endless. Despite this, there is most likely one of you who still wants to get freaky more often than the other.
Is has to be the guy, right? Well, shove this in his face (or, if you’re male, get ready for a rude awakening); the rate of lower sex libidos in married couples is actually split 50/50 between men and women.
Whether you’re the bunny or the dozing bull in your marriage, I’ve got five hot tips to tell you how you can remedy your mismatched sex drive in marriage – including how I can help you personally.
Change Up Your Routine
Whenever I hear about couples who happen to have sex every Wednesday night, or – God forbid – “schedule” their sex, I visibly cringe! No wonder your libidos are low – you’re probably bored because you know when it’s coming! Let it be spontaneous and fun – do it in a different room, or in the car – heck, do it during a different time of the day, and it’ll already begin to feel like a brand new experience for the both of you!
Give Yourself a Little Lovin’
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “In order to love others, you must first learn to love yourself,” right? Let me tell you right now – that isn’t just emotionally. A big reason why couples have mismatched libidos or an unsatisfying sex life is because they forgot – or simply just don’t know – how they themselves like to be pleasured.
Masturbation is a perfect way to boost confidence, figure out what you love during foreplay, and get you revved up to the point where you’ll have no choice but to grab your partner and go! Plus, you can kick it up a notch and explore mutual masturbation – by watching each other, you get that extra visual education on what your partner likes and dislikes.
Speaking of mutual masturbation….
Explore New Kinks and Toys
It can be very difficult to open up about your secret sexual interests, whether you’ve been with someone for 10 weeks, 10 months, or 10 years. Perhaps society has trained you to believe that what you like is shameful, or that you should never share it with anyone else. This thought process alone can kill your libido, no matter who you’re sharing it with.
Believe it or not, this is a conversation that is best started outside of the bedroom. Bringing up the fact that, “Oh, by the way, I like this very specific act that you may have never heard of before” during sex can make things very awkward, especially if the other party doesn’t feel comfortable. Talking in a neutral setting will make it easier to be honest, bring you closer together, and not deflate any boners (assuming no one has one at the time).
Not only should you share your hidden desires, but be sure to be attentive and create a welcoming environment to your partner’s desires, too – fairness is very important in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to talk about what you’re willing to do and not do; creating boundaries is just as important as breaking them.
And, most importantly, never shame anyone for what they’re interested in.
Make the Bedroom Your Sex Sanctuary
While I mentioned earlier that you should try having sex in different places, that doesn’t mean you should neglect the bedroom entirely. Make it an experience for all the senses – dim the lights, light some candles, play some music, get some ice cubes or feathers, perhaps some strawberries – this should look and feel like a big event. Keep a drawer designated for all your toys and props an arms-length away so you won’t have to do a naked run to a different part of the house, potentially killing the mood.
Think about this in terms of when you aren’t having sex either; in my mind, your bedroom should be your favorite part of the house. Get the coziest blanket and the softest sheets and pillows; decorate it like your dream home. Make it an area that you look forward to going to.
If I were you, I would take it a step further and ban any electronics or stress-inducers. This means no cell phones, no television, no laptops or textbooks. Your bedroom should be for nothing but sex and sleep.
Get an Outside Opinion…or Third Party Involved
Perhaps you’ve already tried these options. While your sex itself may have improved, you still find yourself wanting more, or you still sometimes don’t feel like initiating it, depending on which libido you have. This is the time when I suggest getting a professional opinion.
No, I don’t mean a therapist. Though technically, I am one!
I’m here for you if you just want to talk things out. My certifications give me a very well-rounded perspective on many types of issues in the bedroom, and I ensure that I book enough time with you so that it’s not just a case of sex-and-go; we could spend an entire evening discussing your dilemmas if you wanted to!
Getting an outside opinion may be hard, because it means admitting fault to someone else. But once you get it out in the open, I promise you, it becomes a lot easier to deal with. The first step to fixing any issue is admitting you have one, right?
Having mismatched sex drives can seem absolutely devastating in a relationship, married or otherwise. But, if you two are willing to take the time to work on it, and if you try out these tips, I can assure you that you’ll be on the same sexual wavelength in no time.
Ready to talk about your libidos or bang it out with me? Book a one-on-one session with me today!
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I thought I was going to write this article to men thinking the wife would be the one suffering low libido.
Imagine my surprise when I found out it was a 50/50 chance that either partner could be the one afflicted.
Ladies, I find it absolutely imperative you recognize what might be happening in your sexless marriage. We are so conditioned to think the male has such virility (it just has to be something wrong with the gal/he must not think you are so attractive any longer blah, blah blah).
The only way to fix something is to identify there is a problem, or a mismatch or a hiccup or whatever you want to call it.
If you are not experiencing the sex life you would like or the one that you envision or used to have.
Identify what is going on and shoot me an email if you’d like me to help you figure it out and help you fix it or help you get the sex life you really want.
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