Long distance dating is a unique journey that tests the resilience, communication, and commitment of couples who are separated by physical distance. At Air Force Amy, I understand that navigating a long distance relationship requires special care and a thoughtful approach. This comprehensive guide covers everything from the basics of what a long distance relationship is, to setting ground rules, effective communication, and strategies to keep the spark alive. Whether you’re new to long distance dating or seeking ways to make your relationship work, this article offers practical advice and insights to help you thrive.
Understanding Long Distance Dating
What Is a Long Distance Relationship?
A long distance relationship is one where partners are separated by geographical distance, often relying on digital communication to maintain their bond. These relationships are defined not by the absence of physical touch, but by the challenge of keeping the connection strong through virtual means. Many people ask how to make a long distance relationship work, and the key lies in redefining intimacy and trust when physical proximity is limited. Long distance dating is not just about surviving the miles between you; it’s about using that distance as a space to build a deeper, more emotional connection.
Why Do People Choose Long Distance Dating?
Couples may enter long distance dating scenarios due to career opportunities, educational pursuits, or personal choices that require separation. Despite the challenges, many find that the distance encourages clearer communication and emotional vulnerability. This environment often leads to a stronger understanding of what each partner truly needs, making it easier to appreciate each other’s unique qualities. For many, the commitment to a long distance relationship is driven by the belief that true love can overcome any physical barrier.
Common Challenges Couples Face
Long distance relationships come with their own set of challenges. Communication barriers, feelings of loneliness, and the constant negotiation of time zones can lead to misunderstandings and emotional strain. It is common for partners to experience insecurity or jealousy when they cannot see each other as often as they’d like. Additionally, practical issues like scheduling visits, balancing work, and managing expectations can make it hard to maintain a steady connection. Recognizing these challenges early on is the first step toward developing strategies that help you thrive despite the distance.
Essential Ground Rules for Long Distance Dating
Defining Expectations and Commitment
Establishing clear expectations from the outset is critical. Both partners need to discuss what they want from the relationship, including commitment levels and long-term goals. When expectations are clear, it reduces the likelihood of miscommunication and disappointment later on. Openly discussing future plans and relationship goals can help solidify the foundation of your long distance dating journey.
Setting Boundaries for Communication and Trust
Trust and transparency are the pillars of any successful relationship, but they are especially important in long distance dating. Set clear boundaries regarding communication frequency, social media interactions, and personal space. It’s essential to define what is acceptable and what is not, which helps in building a strong trust framework. This means agreeing on how often you’ll talk, what times work best for both, and how to handle moments of conflict or miscommunication.
Establishing Relationship Goals and Future Plans
Long distance dating works best when there is a shared vision for the future. Discuss your long-term plans, whether it’s eventually living in the same city or planning regular visits. Having a roadmap not only gives both partners something to look forward to but also reinforces commitment. A clear plan for closing the distance can serve as a motivational force during challenging times.
Communication Tips for Long Distance Relationships
How Often Should You Talk?
While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to how frequently you should communicate, consistency is key. Some couples prefer daily check-ins, while others may opt for a few quality calls each week. The focus should be on meaningful conversation rather than just filling the silence. Decide together what works best, ensuring that both partners feel connected and heard. And when you’re ready to take a romantic escape, consider Take A Romantic Escape With Air Force Amy to create memorable experiences that enhance your bond.
Best Ways to Stay Connected (Text, Calls, Video, etc.)
Modern technology offers a variety of tools to help maintain your connection. Regular texts, voice calls, and video chats are all effective methods for keeping the flame alive. Video calls, in particular, can simulate face-to-face interaction and make the distance feel a bit shorter. Additionally, using messaging apps or email to share your daily experiences can help create a sense of shared life despite being apart.
The Role of Social Media in Long Distance Dating
Social media can play a supportive role in long distance dating by allowing partners to share moments of their day, whether through photos, stories, or status updates. However, it’s important to strike a balance to avoid misinterpretations or unnecessary jealousy. Use social media to enhance your connection, but always ensure that private conversations remain respectful and meaningful.
Handling Miscommunication and Arguments
Miscommunication is almost inevitable in any relationship, especially when you can’t rely on body language and in-person cues. Establishing a set of guidelines for how to handle disagreements can help. When conflicts arise, address them as soon as possible and avoid letting misunderstandings fester. Consider techniques like active listening and reflective responses to ensure that both partners feel understood and validated.
How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Long Distance Relationship
Romantic Virtual Date Ideas
One of the best ways to maintain intimacy is by scheduling virtual dates. Plan activities like watching a movie together online, cooking the same meal, or playing a game together over video call. These activities help mimic the feeling of being together and create shared experiences despite the physical separation.
Surprise Gifts and Thoughtful Gestures
Small, thoughtful gestures can go a long way in making your partner feel loved and appreciated. Sending surprise gifts, handwritten letters, or even planning a special digital surprise can remind your partner that you’re thinking of them, even from afar.
The Importance of Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the cornerstone of a successful long distance relationship. It’s important to share not only your day-to-day experiences but also your dreams, fears, and hopes. Regular deep conversations help build trust and ensure that both partners feel emotionally supported, making the physical distance seem less significant.
Maintaining a Healthy Sex Life from Afar
While physical intimacy may be limited, maintaining a healthy sexual relationship is still possible. Couples can explore options like phone sex, video sex, or sending intimate photos (with consent) to keep the sexual chemistry alive. Discussing your needs openly can help both partners feel satisfied and connected, even when separated by miles.
When and How Often Should You Visit?
Planning Trips and Reunions
Visiting each other regularly is a vital part of any long distance relationship. Plan your visits in advance and treat these reunions as special occasions. Whether it’s a short weekend getaway or a longer vacation, these visits provide a much-needed opportunity to reconnect physically and emotionally.
Budgeting for Travel in a Long Distance Relationship
Travel can be expensive, so budgeting becomes essential. Create a travel fund together and plan your trips based on your financial situation. Look for cost-effective options like off-peak travel or shared accommodation to make the most of your time together without breaking the bank.
Making the Most of Your Time Together
When you’re finally reunited, make every moment count. Focus on quality time by planning activities that both of you enjoy, and try to disconnect from work or other distractions. This dedicated time together can significantly strengthen your bond and serve as a reminder of why you’re committed to each other.
Managing Trust and Overcoming Jealousy
Signs of a Trustworthy Long Distance Partner
Trust is built over time, and certain behaviors can signal that your partner is genuinely committed. Consistent communication, honesty about feelings, and respect for boundaries are all key indicators of a trustworthy partner. When both partners exhibit these traits, it becomes easier to manage the inherent challenges of long distance dating.
How to Deal with Insecurities and Jealousy
Jealousy and insecurity can creep into any relationship, but they are particularly common in long distance scenarios. Address these feelings openly with your partner, and work together to establish trust. Techniques such as affirmations, regular check-ins, and even professional counseling can help manage these emotions effectively.
What to Do If You Feel Your Partner Is Pulling Away
If you sense that your partner is becoming distant, don’t jump to conclusions. Initiate a calm conversation to express your concerns without placing blame. Sometimes external factors like stress or busy schedules can affect communication. Understanding the root cause is essential for addressing the issue and finding a way forward.
Keeping a Positive Mindset in a Long Distance Relationship
How to Handle Loneliness and Missing Your Partner
Loneliness is a natural part of long distance dating. Develop a routine that includes activities you enjoy, and stay connected with friends and family for support. Remember that your partner’s absence is temporary, and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, such as the strength and resilience you’re building together.
Finding Personal Growth While Apart
Long distance relationships provide a unique opportunity for personal growth. Use the time apart to pursue hobbies, improve your skills, or focus on your career. This self-development not only enriches your life but also adds depth to your relationship when you share your experiences with your partner.
Leaning on Friends and Hobbies for Support
It’s important to have a robust support system outside of your relationship. Engage with friends, join communities, or take up new hobbies to fill your time meaningfully. A healthy balance between personal interests and relationship commitments is key to maintaining overall well-being.
The Future of Your Relationship: Making It Work Long-Term
How to Plan for Closing the Distance
A long distance relationship often has an eventual end in sight. Discuss your plans to eventually live in the same city or region, and set a realistic timeline for when that might happen. Having a clear plan for closing the distance can serve as a strong motivational force during challenging times.
Signs It’s Time to Move Closer Together
There are several indicators that it might be time to transition from a long distance relationship to living together. These include consistent communication, a deep emotional connection, and mutual agreement on future goals. When both partners feel ready, taking steps toward reducing the physical distance can enhance the relationship significantly.
When to Reevaluate If It’s Not Working
Not every long distance relationship is meant to last indefinitely. If you notice persistent issues such as constant mistrust, lack of communication, or growing emotional disconnect, it might be time to reevaluate whether the relationship is sustainable. Honest self-reflection and open discussions can help both partners decide on the best path forward.
Final Thoughts on Long Distance Dating
Is Long Distance Dating Right for You?
Long distance dating isn’t for everyone, but for those who are committed and willing to put in the effort, it can be a rewarding experience. Reflect on your personal needs, relationship goals, and willingness to navigate the challenges that come with physical separation. If you believe in the strength of your connection, a long distance relationship can lead to a deeper, more meaningful partnership.
How to Know If Your Relationship Will Last
Ultimately, the success of a long distance relationship depends on trust, communication, and mutual commitment. Evaluate whether you and your partner can consistently support each other, maintain open lines of dialogue, and share a common vision for the future. If the answer is yes, then your long distance dating journey can be a stepping stone to a fulfilling and lasting relationship.
At Air Force Amy, we believe that love knows no boundaries, and with the right mindset and strategies, long distance dating can not only survive but thrive. Whether you’re learning how to make a long distance relationship work or simply looking for ways to keep the spark alive, the key is to remain positive, communicative, and committed. Embrace the journey, and let every challenge bring you closer together.
It is a common misconception that older men only prefer younger women to hookup with. It may be true in some cases but we can’t say that is true for the majority of men. In fact, this article explains why this common phenomenon may not be entirely true at all.
So, read on to find it out.
1. Young Girls (Gold Diggers) Prey on Older Men
We generally think that it is the older men who normally fall for younger women but you will be amused to know that it is rather the other way around.
Studies show that younger girls look for men who are more mature, intellectual and rich. And they easily find these qualities in an older man. Hence, they prefer an older guy over a young lad still feeling his oats and finding his way. Yes, they will prefer the young man for their inherent youthful qualities in the bedroom, but they mistakenly believe they can do without a fulfilling sex life for the sake of what the older man’s money can buy.
Furthermore, Professor Madeleine, the author of “The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationship” says that most of the women fall for older men and that too mainly for financial security. So, it proves that young girls are far more into older men than vice versa.
2. Mature and Older Men Prefer Mature Women
Older men who are mature look for women who are also mature, and they normally find this quality in women their age.
According to researcher, Jan Antfolk of Abo Akademi University in Turku, although there may be men who are attracted to young girls, there are majority of men who are attracted to women belonging to their age group.
The researcher stressed the point that men never base their romantic choices solely on the age factor. In fact, older men prefer women who are more sober, sophisticated and wise. And they normally find these traits in older women.
3. Older Men Mostly Prefer Older Women
Older women are independent, sensible and mature. These are the qualities that not only older men find attractive but young men find them hard to resist too.
Science says that young women constantly crave for attention and this can easily turn off both young and old men. Since older women are more secured and sorted, more men tend to fall for them.
S0, these are the three main reasons that prove that older men can be (and are) interested in women that are closer or belong to their age group.
So why the huge misconception? What gives?
Well, alll men, regardless of their own age, prefer the visual of a 20 yr old gal. That’s it, across the board.
You are being sold products by getting your attention with something that is appealing to you, pretty girls that look like oversexed nymphomaniacs. And implanting the idea that you will attract those kinds of women by using whatever product they are selling.
So, what’s my point? Am I just a jaded old woman trying to scare you into seeing me?
The answer is no, I am not just a jaded old woman. I truly want to save you the aggravation and embarrassment of falling for a young little gold digger that will ultimately break your heart, your ego and your wallet. I know because many years ago, I used to be that shallow little gold digger.
I want you to know that you are not unusual for secretly preferring an older woman despite what the marketing and advertising machines tell you.
And, yes, I do want you to come see me because I am secure, established, genuine and truly oversexed.
Do you have any thoughts on this? I love a good conversation. What is your perspective? What do you think?
When our interest in sex starts to wane, exposure to a new or novel partner has a way of bringing it back. This phenomenon–formally dubbed the Coolidge Effect–got its name from a popular anecdote about a visit that U.S. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife supposedly made to a chicken farm. The story goes something like this:
“Mrs. Coolidge, observing the vigor with which one particularly prominent rooster covered hen after hen, asked the guide to make certain that the President took note of the rooster’s behavior. When President Coolidge got to the hen yard, the rooster was pointed out and his exploits recounted by the guide, who added that Mrs. Coolidge had requested that the President be made aware of the rooster’s prowess. The president reflected for a moment and replied, ‘Tell Mrs. Coolidge that there is more than one hen.’” [1]
The Coolidge Effect has been documented in several animal species. For instance, research has found that when a male rat is placed inside a cage with several female rats that are in heat, he will mate with all of them until he appears exhausted. However, if a new female is then introduced to the cage, males often experience an immediately renewed interest in sex and begin mating with her [2].
The Coolidge Effect has been documented in humans as well. For instance, in one study, male participants were either exposed to constant or varied sexual stimuli while their level of sexual arousal was measured by a device that records changes in penile circumference [3]. The men who were repeatedly shown the same stimuli showed less arousal over time (in other words, they demonstrated habituation); by contrast, men who were exposed to varied stimuli maintained higher levels of arousal.
Another study found that, after watching porn clips featuring the same actress over a period of several days, exposure to porn featuring a new actress was linked not only to faster ejaculation, but also the release of more active sperm [4]. This suggest that the Coolidge Effect may have an evolutionarily explanation behind it in that it might potentially increase men’s odds of reproductive success with new partners.
The Coolidge Effect has also been documented in females, although the pattern tends to be somewhat less pronounced. For instance, research on female hamsters has found that after mating with one male hamster until exhaustion, they demonstrate renewed interest in sex when a new male is introduced to the cage [5]. Also, research on women has found that, just like men, they show some degree of habituation in response to repeated presentations of the same erotic stimulus [6]. What this tells us is that the Coolidge Effect isn’t a uniquely male phenomenon by any stretch of the imagination.
“Declining sexual interest in a long-term partner and being excited by variety is probably to be expected, rather than a sign that there’s something wrong with you or your relationship.”
As you might imagine, the Coolidge Effect has important implications for our romantic relationships. In particular, it suggests that declining sexual interest in a long-term partner and being excited by variety is probably to be expected, rather than a sign that there’s something wrong with you or your relationship.
So what can a couple do to combat this potential decrease in sexual interest? Contact me below for options!
Generally, psychologists and physicians describe a “sexless marriage” as having 10 or fewer instances of sex per year. Therefore, many relationships are not sexless by that definition, but are still “dead” in terms of one partner persistently withdrawing from sexual intimacy beyond acceptable limits for their spouse.
You are not alone. I offer a safe, legal, discreet manner in which to alleviate your frustrations. Bring your partner or meet me individually to discuss your options!
When you think of a man hiring a hooker, you might find yourself thinking that they’re being perverts or misogynists, especially if you find out that they’re family men. You might even find yourself judging them when you find out that about half of the men who hire sex workers are men who are in relationships. However, studies have shown that that’s very far from the truth: the men who hire sex workers while in relationships are men that are craving an emotional bond beyond what their relationships are currently giving them. No matter what you think of this morally, the fact remains that this is happening, and there are a lot of reasons why. Here are just a few reasons why men hire sex workers while in relationships.
Did you know that the first full week in March (the 4th-10th) is Celebrate Your Name Week? To celebrate CYNW, I have decided to revisit my Top Ten Reason For Calling Myself Air Force Amy.
1. I was on active duty in the United States Air Force, serving a full term with an Honorable Discharge. I was an Air Base Ground Defense Instructor and Anti-Terrorism Specialist and also performed Law Enforcement and Security duties. I worked with the Diplomatic Security Service, The Office of Special Investigation, Naval Intelligence, Army Special Forces, Navy Seals and thousands upon thousands of the sexiest hard-bodied men and women. I was even on the detail that escorted Marcos out of the Philippines when his government was overthrown. I am highly decorated with a Meritorious Service Media (which I worked very hard to get) “Airman of the Year,” “Woman of the Year” and “S.P. of the Year.” I was promoted twice “Below the Zone” (earlier than my peers) and also received the “John Levitow Award,” the Highest Academic Award achievable.
2. I had a worldwide reputation throughout the Armed Services for my work in clandestine, sexual endeavors (which I worked very hard at too!). It’s often been said, “If you haven’t been to one of Amy’s orgies, you missed the main benefit of serving your country!!!!”
3. I am a Disabled Veteran. I suffered a severe knee injury during an Anti-Terrorist Operation. And as my previous occupation to the military is listed as “Featured Topless Entertainer” and since I can no longer perform my act on stage because of my injury, I am disabled in the eyes of the military.
4. Since I’ve changed my appearance considerably throughout the years (I was a natural redheaded girl when I first walked into the recruitment office), I wanted my clients to know I was that “Amy” they had always known from the Air Force.
5. With such a huge portion of the male population having served or serving our country I figured if a guy can guess by my name that I was in the military too, he’ll know we have certain standards in common. Honesty, camaraderie, loyalty and (most importantly) a certain work hard and PLAY hard ethic is what you get when you come to see me.
6. In 2000, I convinced Dennis Hof to let me be called a “porn star” after starring in a film he produced at the Bunnyranch. I had to come up with a porn star name right then and there: Air Force Amy was born.
7. It’s certainly a catchy name to remember, right. I like how it rolls off the tongue. Kind of like me.
8. I live up to my motto every day: “Air Force Amy, I served my country; now I’m here and ready to SERVE you!!!!
9. I’m RED (hot) WHITE-(like an angel), but I certainly can be BLUE (when I don’t see you).
10. Lastly, I just think the name is funny. Without my sense of humor, there’s no way I could have remained as happy and successful as I have been after working in my particular industry as long as I have. No matter the circumstance, even in those things we all have to do that we don’t particularly like to do (you know, the regular crap of life) 100% of the time I end up having fun, learning something new, and making a new friend. Maybe that’s why I have a trademark fit of laughter after every orgasm…and I laugh a lot!
Air Force Amy is the ONLY certified Clinical Sexologist, Sex Educator, Loveologist, and Sex Therapist to have practiced in any and all of Nevada’s most notable legal brothels. She is the most celebrated legal courtesan in the world. With 30 years of experience, Amy is an advocate of a sex positive society and your ultimate authority on sex and relationships. Follow @airforceamy on Twitter @airforceamyvegason Instagram and TheAirForceAmy on Facebook.
God, Masturbation, and You: The Stigma of Sexual Pleasure in Religions
In the year of 2023, you would think that masturbation would no longer be a taboo subject, and everyone would be getting down and freaky with themselves. Unfortunately, that is still not the case.
Despite the fact that according to surveys, 60 – 80% of women and 95% of men openly admitted to masturbating, there is still a feeling of shame in engaging in such a personal act. While shame can come from family, friends, media, society, and other outlets, the most common source of shame comes from – no surprise – religion.
This shame doesn’t just localize itself to masturbation, however; sex in general, with multiple partners outside of the “sanctity of marriage” is also greatly shamed and even forbidden in religions to this day.
Today, I want to discuss with you how religious-based sex shaming began, its repercussions on society today, types of sex shaming, and how – if you are in this situation – you can overcome the fear and guilt you have and finally open up to how wonderful sex can be for you physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually!
Where did sex shaming in religion begin?
To discover the origin of sex shaming in western religion, look no further than the Bible itself – many versus denounce women as temptresses, practicing whoredom and being harlots. Brides who aren’t virgins will be stoned at their father’s home doorsteps (Deut. 22:21). Anyone who cheats on a partner, male or female, will be killed (Lev. 20:10). Don’t even get me started on gay people (Lev. 20:13).
Whatever, the Bible is old, surely while aspects like adultery and practicing unsafe sex shouldn’t be encouraged, no one actually thinks people should be killed over it – right?
I wish I could quell your worries, but unfortunately, this is not the case. One notable preacher, Evangelist Kevin Swanson, publicly declares that gays should be killed. By the way, this is a man who is alive and existing in our world today. You are currently breathing the same air he breathes. Scary, right?
Attempts were made to forbid church officials to have sex – the earliest case being in 386 by Pope Siricius. You can see how well that went.
While sex is more generally accepted in today’s society through media and living arrangements, religious people still have somewhat of an aversion to practicing sex or masturbation. Studies have proven, in fact, that religious people are in general less likely to masturbate or use vibrators.
How to Recognize Religious Sexual Shame
Are people telling you to not have sex until you’re married – including personal masturbation? Ding ding ding, you’ve been shamed.
Of course, waiting until marriage to engage in sex is absolutely and completely a personal choice – I do not shame anyone for waiting or not waiting. The issue here is that people are telling women what they can and can’t do with their bodies, as if their bedroom acts dictate other people’s lives. Basically, any time someone tells you what you can and can’t do sexually is a form of sexual shame.
Are people saying you’re sinful and need to be saved if you’re attracted to people of the same sex? Congratulations – once again, you’ve been shamed.
The debate of sexuality and religion has been a long-lasting, hard-headed one. It seems that no matter what you say, you cannot convince a devout religious person that being gay or bisexual is okay. Let’s not forget the fact that being a religious gay person can totally be a thing – in fact, I have quite a few friends who are religious and openly gay or bisexual.
Perhaps people are telling you not to use birth control because that means you’re just having sex willy-nilly? Hello, shame, how are you today?
One of the biggest issues with religious shaming in terms of sexuality is the abundant amount of double standards – this includes women not being able to use birth control nor get abortions. Don’t have sex, but if you do, you better have that baby.
It also is prevalent in terms of who can have sex. Girls should wait until marriage. Virginity is sacred. But boys? Eh, boys will be boys! If the woman didn’t want attention, they shouldn’t be wearing such revealing clothes. Shame on you for tempting the boys. No wonder they had sex with you.
That’s not to say that men also can’t experience religious sexual shame – back to the masturbation talk, some religions would mutilate genitals in order to prevent men (and women) from having sex too young. This is more than just shame – this is straight up abuse.
Even looking at porn is considered fair game for shame – in religion, it’s seen as committing adultery.
In conclusion – sexual shame in religion can come in many different forms. From subtle cues in words and phrases, to straight up physical abuse, sexual shame in religion can be very scarring to those who had to grow up and endure it. Many people will stick with the religion just so they don’t have to upset anyone further, or they’ll quickly branch away as soon as they can but still have a slew of intimacy issues (understandably so).
If you are victim of sexual shame from your religious beliefs, first know that you are not alone. Many people in society are dealing with sexual shame in many forms, including religious. People you interact with every day could be on their own personal journey of overcoming sexual shame. There are plenty of people in the world who specialize in therapy specifically for these situations who are more than willing to help you.
In the meantime, here are my tips for overcoming religious (or any) sexual shame.
Come to terms with the fact that this happened to you.
The first step to overcoming your sexual shame is to admit you have any shame at all. This can be tough. You have to be able to identify the sources of shame, and sometimes they can come from your own family or friends, or the church you’ve felt “safe” in your entire life. You may have to come to a decision to leave those people or communities, and that can be incredibly difficult. You may lose friendships. You may lose “respect” from some people.
You may also help give others the courage to leave as well.
As mentioned earlier – you are not suffering alone. There are other people struggling with religious sexual shame, and sometimes, seeing one person take action inspires others to take action as well.
Of course, this shouldn’t be your driving force – the number one person you should do this for is yourself.
Talk to a therapist.
Therapy has much less of a stigma today than it used to – thank goodness! Sometimes talking things out with someone who will have an unbiased opinion is a great way to clear your head and really figure out the root of any sexual issues you may be having.
As a certified sex therapist, I’ve heard a slew of many different sexual issues – nothing fazes me anymore. I’m one of the best people to schedule with, whether you’re looking for an outlet for your sexual frustration, or you just want to talk! Getting an outside opinion is incredibly important, and it’s a great way to get your feelings validated.
Conduct further research on the relationship between religions and sex.
There are actually quite a few religions that encourage the idea of exploring sexuality. Typically, eastern religions such as Buddhism are much more accepting and encouraging of being able to explore your own body and delve into sexual urges than western religions are. Consider going on a spiritual journey to figure out what type of religion might be right for you.
You could even discover that no religion fits your beliefs perfectly – and that is normal and valid. Don’t be ashamed if you end up swaying away from your original beliefs or religion. People are allowed to change their views, especially if it stems from childhood trauma.
Realize you do not have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
Even if you do end up finding a side of yourself that becomes more open with the world of sexuality, realize that you don’t have to partake in everything. It’s okay to wait to have sex until marriage if that’s what your moral compass tells you to do. Just make sure that it’s a decision you alone are making – not your friends, your lover, your parents, or your priest.
The most important takeaway from all of this is that you’re thinking and deciding for yourself – no one should be allowed to govern your body or your sexuality. These things are just as sacred as your religious belief itself!
Air Force Amy is the most celebrated legal courtesan in the world. She is the ONLY certified Clinical Sexologist, Sex Educator, Loveologist, and Sex Therapist in any legal Nevada brothels. With 30 years of experience, Amy is an advocate of a sex positive society and ultimate authority on sex and relationships. Follow @airforceamy on Twitter @airforceamyvegas on Instagram and TheAirForceAmy on Facebook.
There’s a scene in the adult film harlot (Sin City, 2005) where Kimberly Kane, playing a secretary, is summoned to the office of her boss, played by Chris Cannon. She arrives holding a pad and pen, ready to take his dictation, perhaps for a letter. Instead, the boss whirls around in his padded office chair to face her with his legs open. He’s got a noticeable bulge in his pants, and he makes it clear that he intends to give dicktation instead (sorry, couldn’t resist the pun). So she unzips his pants, massages his shaft gently to full hardness, removes her panties from under her skirt, settles herself on his cock, and they start to fuck.
Then something remarkable happens—remarkable for a porn video, and remarkable in real life: Instead of giving themselves over to wild humping, grunting, groaning, and other such physical theatrical behavior typical for porn, they start having—a conversation. A casual, easy conversation while Chris is balls-deep in Kim’s flowery, expressive, lusciously, incredibly fuckable coochie.
In what must rank as one of the classic porn scenes of recent times, these actors continue to chat companionably while they steadily grind away. They speak in full sentences uninterrupted by the loud moans of pleasure they surely want to utter. Kim, in character, brags to “boss” Chris all about her husband, “Henry,” who is so hot for her that “He wants to fuck me every night,” she says. “Every night?” Chris asks, incredulous. “Every night!” she emphasizes passionately, bearing down extra strongly with her toned vaginal muscles on his solid whang.
At this point in the scene, so much sexual tension has been built up that it’s easy to imagine lots of viewers’ cocks springing up around the nation and spontaneously ejaculating even without the help of Five-Fingered Willy. Those that hadn’t stripped off their pants or underwear probably got them soaked with cum for the first time since they had wet dreams in youth. And, it’s also easy to imagine that their lady friends or wives watching next to them were moved to lean over and fasten their lips around those straining cocks. And maybe, being expert with language as most women are, some of those ladies sucked their guys off while pausing for teasing talk: “I’m gonna blow you until you’re ready to fuck my tight little pussy, okay? Just yell when you’re ready, honey…”
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s tell the dirty truth: Few of us are thinking straight when we’re fucking. That’s the fun of it; allowing yourself to fly your freak flag, ride the wild stallion, make forest sounds, and visualize yourself as your spirit animal running wild. People are not likely to be quoting Shakespeare or even their favorite comedian or movie line while they’re copulating crazily. They make primal sounds, wail, curse, and spout strings of words that make no sense at all. Probably every girl that’s fucked a guy has heard him gibber nonsense sounds like “Salabagunda! Jizny watz! ARGGUUHH! (That’s, of course, the vocalization of his shattering climax.)
Everyone goes a little funny in the head when they’re sexing it up. The woman riding a thick cock experiences and secretly enjoys mental flashes of experiences with other men while she’s being joyously penetrated by her current lover. Meanwhile, he’s picturing her as one of the hottest courtesans from Game of Thrones. Fucking is (usually) not about conversation or creating a narrative.
But we can change that, if you’d like to try. Sex can be an exciting, dramatic game; imagine having the supreme discipline, when inside a woman, of keeping your wits clear enough to articulate strings of words without descending into the ecstatic babbling that’s so natural to men when their cocks encounter the Power of the Pussy.
President Trump has been quoted as saying “You’ve got to grab them by the pussy.” Well, reverse that: What will you do when my pussy grabs you, to borrow Jim Morrison’s line, “like a warm fist”? Will you say “Oh my dear, thank you so much for this wonderful experience” as you thrust deeply into me? Most likely, you will gibber and jabber throughout our intimate encounter and will leave shattered and relieved and happy. Which is fine.
But think of what can happen if you take the Sex-Talk Challenge. If we’re having a party for two, using our words can slow the sex down to an exquisite crawl, a slow, comfortable screw (like the drink). You can reminisce about the first time you felt your penis slipping into a girl’s mouth while I blow some tunes on your gloved-up sexaphone. Or you can confess all the dirty details of that drunken doggie-style fuck you enjoyed with a coworker on a business trip while I play her role. Or you can reveal your long-standing desire to hump your sexy sister-in-law. You see, sex talk can be psychologically cleansing.
Now, if we’re a party of three (you, me, and your wife or girlfriend) the talk can get really revelatory and wildly stimulating. She can watch as I jack up your dick while you tell her, “I’ve always-uh!-had the fantasy of having you look on while another woman grabs my cock.” You might be surprised, and very excited, to hear her answer back, “Well, I’ve never been finger-fucked by another woman, and I think it would get us both off if you watched another woman spread my legs and open up my cunny with two fingers.” Of course, I’d be happy to snap on a latex glove, apply some lubricant, and oblige her secret desire. By the time I finish finger-banging her to a couple or more climaxes, you’ll have an erection so hard you could almost drill through wood with your woody. But instead, you’ll have two horny ladies waiting for you to fuck them good and hard. You might find yourself shouting the famous Mel Brooks line from History of the World, Part 1: “It’s good (deep, powerful penile thrust) to be the King!” as you ram us (and yourself) silly.
So bring me your conversation along with your desire. I can teach you how to talk dirty like a rough, manly construction worker or a refined gentleman. Cum together with me, and I’ll show you how affectionate exchanges of naughty compliments can enhance and lengthen sex. You can imagine me as that pretty, shy girl in your college class that you always wanted to approach and announce: “I want to lay you naked on a soft bed, put your legs in the air, and pile drive your pussy until you have a screaming orgasm.” Not the usual thing you say in polite company out in the world. But in our world, you can say anything you want. Words have power: to persuade, to admonish, but also to make sex even better than you ever imagined.
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