5 Ways to Remedy Mismatched Sex Drives
When in matrimonial bliss, it’s common to be rocking the bed every day – you just got married, your partner looked hot A.F. at the wedding, and your chemistry has rekindled. This, like all good things, however, comes to an end.
From potentially having children to take care of, to changes in the body causing self-esteem issues, the reasons for that deflating libido are endless. Despite this, there is most likely one of you who still wants to get freaky more often than the other.
Is has to be the guy, right? Well, shove this in his face (or, if you’re male, get ready for a rude awakening); the rate of lower sex libidos in married couples is actually split 50/50 between men and women.
Whether you’re the bunny or the dozing bull in your marriage, I’ve got five hot tips to tell you how you can remedy your mismatched sex drive in marriage – including how I can help you personally.
- Change Up Your Routine
Whenever I hear about couples who happen to have sex every Wednesday night, or – God forbid – “schedule” their sex, I visibly cringe! No wonder your libidos are low – you’re probably bored because you know when it’s coming! Let it be spontaneous and fun – do it in a different room, or in the car – heck, do it during a different time of the day, and it’ll already begin to feel like a brand new experience for the both of you!
- Give Yourself a Little Lovin’
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “In order to love others, you must first learn to love yourself,” right? Let me tell you right now – that isn’t just emotionally. A big reason why couples have mismatched libidos or an unsatisfying sex life is because they forgot – or simply just don’t know – how they themselves like to be pleasured.
Masturbation is a perfect way to boost confidence, figure out what you love during foreplay, and get you revved up to the point where you’ll have no choice but to grab your partner and go! Plus, you can kick it up a notch and explore mutual masturbation – by watching each other, you get that extra visual education on what your partner likes and dislikes.
Speaking of mutual masturbation….
- Explore New Kinks and Toys
It can be very difficult to open up about your secret sexual interests, whether you’ve been with someone for 10 weeks, 10 months, or 10 years. Perhaps society has trained you to believe that what you like is shameful, or that you should never share it with anyone else. This thought process alone can kill your libido, no matter who you’re sharing it with.
Believe it or not, this is a conversation that is best started outside of the bedroom. Bringing up the fact that, “Oh, by the way, I like this very specific act that you may have never heard of before” during sex can make things very awkward, especially if the other party doesn’t feel comfortable. Talking in a neutral setting will make it easier to be honest, bring you closer together, and not deflate any boners (assuming no one has one at the time).
Not only should you share your hidden desires, but be sure to be attentive and create a welcoming environment to your partner’s desires, too – fairness is very important in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to talk about what you’re willing to do and not do; creating boundaries is just as important as breaking them.
And, most importantly, never shame anyone for what they’re interested in.
- Make the Bedroom Your Sex Sanctuary
While I mentioned earlier that you should try having sex in different places, that doesn’t mean you should neglect the bedroom entirely. Make it an experience for all the senses – dim the lights, light some candles, play some music, get some ice cubes or feathers, perhaps some strawberries – this should look and feel like a big event. Keep a drawer designated for all your toys and props an arms-length away so you won’t have to do a naked run to a different part of the house, potentially killing the mood.
Think about this in terms of when you aren’t having sex either; in my mind, your bedroom should be your favorite part of the house. Get the coziest blanket and the softest sheets and pillows; decorate it like your dream home. Make it an area that you look forward to going to.
If I were you, I would take it a step further and ban any electronics or stress-inducers. This means no cell phones, no television, no laptops or textbooks. Your bedroom should be for nothing but sex and sleep.
- Get an Outside Opinion…or Third Party Involved
Perhaps you’ve already tried these options. While your sex itself may have improved, you still find yourself wanting more, or you still sometimes don’t feel like initiating it, depending on which libido you have. This is the time when I suggest getting a professional opinion.
No, I don’t mean a therapist. Though technically, I am one!
I’m here for you if you just want to talk things out. My certifications give me a very well-rounded perspective on many types of issues in the bedroom, and I ensure that I book enough time with you so that it’s not just a case of sex-and-go; we could spend an entire evening discussing your dilemmas if you wanted to!
Getting an outside opinion may be hard, because it means admitting fault to someone else. But once you get it out in the open, I promise you, it becomes a lot easier to deal with. The first step to fixing any issue is admitting you have one, right?
Having mismatched sex drives can seem absolutely devastating in a relationship, married or otherwise. But, if you two are willing to take the time to work on it, and if you try out these tips, I can assure you that you’ll be on the same sexual wavelength in no time.
Ready to talk about your libidos or bang it out with me? Book a one-on-one session with me today!